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ANGELS ON EARTH INC

LETTERS WE HAVE RECEIVED

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You are not ALONE, here are some of the letters we have recieved, the names have not been included, but you may fill that their stories and cries for help, are the same ones that you are doing...  All these people have been helped and are now living wonderful lifes, or on the road to becoming Thrivers.

Dear Sharlene:
I have heard about Angels on Earth from a friend.  I am in an abusive marriage, which does not include violence -- at least not now -- but does include overbearing control on a regular basis. I am in need of a support network to help me get free.
I have left him several times before but keep going back.  I am going to *********tommorrow but my friend says they are not as good as your organization. 
Thanks.
Laura
 
Hello, I just came across your website while doing research for support groups for familes of domestic violence victims.  We are in a situation right now where my sister-in-law (my husband's little sister) after 17 years of abuse and two children later, is finally ready to leave the abuser.  However, he is in jail for two weeks until the 19th of Sept. for trying to kill Rochele.  We have tried helping in the past, but she had always gone back to him or made excuses for him. 

Hi, I live in Wyoming Please bare with me while I briefly explain the situation.
This child is my son's, the mother of the child (whom my son is no longer seeing) is married to someone else, but has been separated from this person and is in the middle of a divorce.
My concern is the man whom this woman is married to has been very violent with her, the violence has increased since their separation. He was served with a protection order and social services was brought in (he pulled a gun on her and their 14 year old son tried to disarm him), the protection order was dropped by the woman. This man is over at the woman's home daily, he comes and goes as he pleases, he is verbally insulting to the woman and very controlling (in front of their children), and I am worried about further violence. This man knows his wife is pregnant with my sons child and has a deep hate for my son and is constantly threatening him yet claims to have no ill feelings toward the baby. The woman and I talk daily and she tells me about everything that goes on, she always ends with I don't know what to do .I have tried to counsel this woman on the situation, I make suggestions to her on where she can get help. I have suggested counseling  You name I have suggested. I have unfortunately come to the conclusion this woman is not going to try to help herself and there is nothing I can do for her but continue to be here, with that note how do I protect my unborn grandchild?
 

I am a 39 year old who just took 1 years to divorce and go to court for child custody.  It did not go completely as I expected.  I thought once the terrible truth was out, there would be relief and he would shrivel up and go away.  That did not happen !!  I am very fortunate to have a good job and I could afford to keep the family house, but he got of the equity in the house and of my retirement.  Of course this helped him fuel a custody battle that was painful.  He did not get 50-50
as he wanted, but he does have 40%.  Much more that I wish he did.  For my big day in court the judge decided it should be mediated instead of a hearing.  My attorney had spent about $5000 of attorney time preparing for what should have been a disaster for my ex.  Instead attorneys
fought behind closed door with a judge.  The judge NEVER spoke to me. The judge “had concerns” about his anger issues, but it seems the courts encourage a relationship no matter what the consequences.  I further believe if I had been the one with the temper, the one who pulled a gun, the one who kicked someone across the room, the verbally abusive one…..
I probably would have lost my children.  The courts seem to think it is OK for a man to have a temper.  This is all done and here is my question.  What is the best way to “move on”.   I have 2 great kids.  I have them in counseling and the counselor is working with them on how to
deal with a daddy who has a temper.  I still have a good job (even though this year I have not been as focused as I should have been).  I have a great mom and dad who live 8 hours away, but they have really helped.  This whole process has been so consuming, it is hard to break
away and move on.  I have to let go of the hate and I am still scared of him.  I am in counseling, but if you have not gone thru it, it is hard for a counselor to completely understand.    My question is what is the next step ?  I have been so focused on the divorce, equitable
distribution and child custody for so long…..

MY REPLY

The first step is to accept your feelings as your right to have...you do not need Domestic Violence counseling you need survivor support, as someone who has been there and done that, I must tell you this a long process.  you have the right and need to still fear him, you have the right to be angry..having  your children deal with a father who has a temper, is just letting them
know it is okay to have a temper, a distructive one at that, and you are just to deal with it...no they should not have to deal with it anymore than you have to deal with it...I am glad you have a good job and you were able to keep your home, but until all the court time, custody time, and domestic counseling is over with, you will not totally heal...where do you go from here, forward, but remember it is okay to have a bad day, or a thought that depresses you, just do not dwell on those thoughts...give yourself a time limit..then get on with living again...this is a day to day thing you must deal with, till one day you wake up and REALLY realize that he does not have control over you, your life, your children or what you think, do or plan..and he never really did.
Start counting your blessings now, if you feel you need counseling go for self-esteem classes, or goal setting classes, stay away from the domestic violence counseling...you do not need to learn about the gun that shot you, you have the bullet wound already...you need healing, you need to know where to go from here.  Which you probably already do, you just need someone
to hear you.
I could possible find an Angel in your area that can actually help you where you live...you have survived the hardest part, now it is all about reclaiming your life as yours.
sharlene

Her Response to my reply

Thank you for your response.  It helped me a lot tonight.  I took my youngest son to see Princess Diary II tonight.  When we left the theater, there "HE" was walking down the theater hallway after seeing our son for a second to give him a hug.  As he walked down the hallway I was so frustrated with how I felt.  I was scared.  My entire body changes rapid heart rate, sick stomach.... I get frustrated that I have any reaction to him at all.   I was with other friends and we took our time leaving the theater, because they could tell I was uncomfortable. Maybe he just happened to be at the theater at the same time.  Maybe not.     Thank you for taking the time to write a letter that was very helpful. As soon as I came home I checked email.  And there you wrote "you have the right to fear him".  I feel people (including my attorney and custody evaluator) believe I should not be afraid any more.  That he is no longer a threat.  The attorney said "What a sad way to live, I could never live that way".  The custody evaluator expressed concern that I would not effectively communicate with him and that now that the marriage was over I did not need to be afraid.  My gut tells me these people are all wrong, but I cannot explain it to them.  It was good to have some validation.  I look forward to the day when I REALLY realize
that he does not have control over me and a simple running into him does not upset my evening.   I like the idea of focusing on the reclaiming of my life.  Thanks !! 

I need help my situation is a little different but similar, I have been in a relationship for the past 2 years and it has been a horrendous roller coaster. At first things were fine, and I was my usual self but little by little he has taken away my self esteem, my pride, my spirit.  He is a very bad verbal abuser, he never hit me, but he would scream and holler at me and look at me like he was ready to kill me, at first I was in shock by this behavior, but I was made to believe it was something I did or said and that is why he acted that way.He felt remorse later, but he would do the same thing over and over.

He would disappear if I was mad at him, or we had an argument, he would not answer my calls etc,,, then he would and it would be hours of trying to communicate with him, what I felt .He has accused me of sleeping with my co-workers ( yes he works with me) , accused me of seeing other people etcThe list can go on and on, and right now he has threatened me again.What I am most worried about is me, you see I have 2 beautiful daughters, I own my own home, I work hard, and I have become a big basket case, crying all the time, confused, lost dependent on him, (not for money) but lost so bad, I don’t know who I am no more, I need help, I have read the books, I know it is a big problem but I cant seem to escape Pls someone give me info

i am being abused,the man i am with will not let me go outside or anywhere else without him,he controls all the money,he has the only house keys,he has the only van keys,he is always telling me i am a terrible person and that i cannot do anything right,he says no man would ever want me,he controls my phone use,he controls when i am on computer,he controls everything i do,he takes my 14 year old with him everywhere,he has her sleep in the floor in front of the bed,he has made me lose contact with everyone,he tells me because i have insomnia that i will lose my baby and that terrifies me,  i hope you can help me

For all of those who were affected)
Prayer for Shelter Against the Storm
 God of heaven and earth, God who carries our lives and the lives of our whole community in your hands, be with us in the peril of this day/night.  Help us to release our anxieties and fears into those same caring hands, knowing in faith that your will for us is life and everlasting good. Send your holy angels to watch over us and guard us. May they spread their holy wings to give us shelter against the storm. For you alone, O God, are all good, all life, all love, and that love is for us; through Jesus Christ our Lord.
- Rev. Thomas L. Weitzel

I was just browsing your site and felt that maybe I could email and ask for some advice?
I am living in a very bad relationship, and I am the mother of 4 children.  My husband (well not legally married) is very verbally abusive to me, always threatening to leave and leave me with nothing.  He hasnt worked for a while and now we have been served a three day notice on our rent.  I want him out of my life so bad, but I feel so stuck, my youngest is three and is usually very sick with asthma, I am so afraid of not being able to care for them financially on my own, so afraid of being kicked out of my apartment and not having anywhere to go.  Please if you can offer any advice to me I would greatly appreciate.

Christ Be With Me
Christ be with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ where I lie, Christ where I sit, Christ where I arise,
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every one who speaks to me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
Salvation is of the Lord.
Salvation is of the Christ.
May your salvation, Lord, be ever with us.

- St. Patrick