Domestic Violence and Teenagers

Domestic Violence is the number one cause of injury  and death for women between the ages of 15 and 44.

If you are a Teenager and you have are considering to start dating here are some things you should know.

Abuse, is behavior that was learned through growing up where a person tries to totally control another person.  Research shows that most of the time the abusive teen is USUALLY the male teen that dominates the relationship but some females are also abusive.

In the past, boys were raised to believe that they should be strong, macho, aggressive and in control.  Some were raised to believe that their girlfriends were their possessions and it was their responsibility to keep them "in line."  Boys have been taught by older males to see sex as a kind of competition (like when guys say "did you score?").  Girls on the other hand are raised to be passive and please others, before thinking of their own needs.

In a loving relationship, each partner is equal and they give respect and trust to each other.

Abusive guys/girls often have an attitude.  At first it may make you feel good that someone is there to protect you and take care of you.  But later, it becomes controlling to where you can only do the things he/she wants you to do.   You may find that they even become jealous if you talk to your other female or male friends.   You may find they confronting your friends and warning them that you are their boyfriend or girlfriend to stay away from you or else.

A common attitude that they have is to say:

• "It's all your fault"
• "If you only didn't talk to your friends!"
• "You shouldn't have looked at another guy." 
• "You should spend more time with me."

When they do that it implies that you did something wrong and it can make you feel like you can do nothing right, when in fact, it isn't your fault at all.  The only person to blame for the abuse and this attitude is the person who is abusive and trying to control and possess you.

You’re not alone!  1 out of 4 women are abused.  Thousands of teens every day are in abusive relationships...but you don't have to be.

No one deserves to be verbally humiliated in public or cut off from his or her friends.  And no one should ever accept being hit, slapped, kicked, or forced to make love against his or her will.   Even if it means you will lose your boyfriend or girlfriend…remember you have your whole life ahead of you to fall in love and find someone who gives you the respect and love you deserve. 

Here are some things to keep in mind and watch out for…remember you are in control of your life, and normally what you are feeling inside will tell you if you should stay with this person or end the relationship:

1. Listen to Your Feelings!   If this is love, why do I feel so bad?
   • Your feelings tell you if something is wrong in your relationship.
   • Do you feel any of these when you are together?
   • Pressured        
   • Tense
   • Humiliated                               
   • Restricted or controlled
   • Scared                                    
   • Angry                               
   • Upset                                      
   • Constantly wrong

Honestly think about how you feel when you are with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

2.  What is love?

·        Love is a bond between 2 people who care deeply about each other and RESPECT each

                  Other in everything they do and say.

·        Love feels good...control and possessiveness hurts!

·        No one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself.

Being in an abusive relationship can change your life in many ways!

Have you noticed any of these changes in you life and the way you do things.

•  Not sleeping               
• Anxiety or depression       
• Yelling at friends and family
• Abusing drugs and alcohol     
• Your grades at school are going down
• Skipping school             
• You have given up your hopes and dreams for college
• Constantly trying to do what he/she expects        
• You are torn between friends and partner
• Losing touch with who you are, your own feelings and opinions about things
• Feeling like you can't trust people               
•  do you have less confidence?
• Feel alone and afraid...no one to talk to

 Does your Boyfriend or Girlfriend show you respect?

• In a good relationship a boyfriend or girlfriend is:  
• Is willing to compromise
• Asks for your opinion before making decisions
• Is able to admit to being wrong
• Respects your feelings, friends, and opinions
• Tries to resolve conflict by talking honestly
• Accepts you saying "NO" to things you don't want
• Accepts you changing your mind
• Accepts when you want to spend time with others
• Respects your wishes if you want to end the relationship

Think about your relationship... Do you feel respected?

·    Love makes you feel valued, respected, and wonderful, happy and free to be yourself!  Is that how you feel?

Breaking up is a tough thing to do.  You may think of lots of reasons to put it off like:

·    You hope he/she will change

·    All your friends have partners and you won't have one

·    Your partner says "I love you"

·    You feel worthless without him/her

·    You are afraid to leave because of what he/she may do

·    You may even feel that there is no one else out there that could love you or

·    That you may never find anyone to love you

Your partner may really try to pressure you to not break up.  Things may greatly improve for a little while until you commit to the relationship again but then it goes back to the same controlling behavior.

The abuse and violence won't go away...it only gets worse as time goes on.  If you are afraid of him/her, listen to your feelings.  Think about a safety plan and tell someone.

Call the domestic violence help number and discuss your concerns. They are there to help you think this through.

You can't change anyone and love doesn't feel like this.  Remember you are a special person, with hopes and dreams, and your own mind, you deserve someone who respects and admires you.

No matter what you do or the types of relationships you have seen, or if you grew up in an abusive relationship where domestic violence was part of your parents life. You do not deserve to be abused verbally, physically or emotionally.

There is a loving person who will give you a wonderful relationship out there for you just waiting to be accepted.

Love DOES NOT Hurt, Make you Cry, take away your Friends, Make you Feel Bad, or Useless, Or Alone…Or Afraid…Or Controlling ..Love is not Jealous

Love is Wonderful, it makes you Happy, Glad to be around that Person, Includes your Friends and His/her friends, someone to SHARE your hopes, dreams, and time with, It makes you Smile, from the Inside out.